Nothing is going great. I broke almost all my new year resolutions and I am really feeling shi*ty about it. I am surprised at this. I mean, 2022 was going to be my year! I was going to get my PhD, I was going to be a serious reader, I was going to break off the hold technology and social media had on me, I was going to improve myself. At this rate, nothing of the sort will happen. I am especially disappointed about my resolve and will power. I was trying to rid myself of some really bad habits but so far no success. It is like I am two people- one is rational, can tell right and wrong apart, and to be fair, I am feeling that this part is getting louder and stronger. However, the evil me is still dominant and powerful. When the rational voice speaks, the evil voice says “Yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah let’s get on with it.” I find it remarkable, the fact that my rational voice has not yet quit on me. I hear its exasperated sigh, I have this image of a blurry person in white and with wings clutching his/her hair and pulling it apart in frustration, only to calm down in a bit and move on. Dude, I really am sorry I am such a lost cause.
This general state of affairs is really bad to continue with a book such as Anna Karenina. I am already regretting my choice. Should’ve put more thought into this whole reading exercise. Of all the books in all the book shops of the world scenario. I have 175+ unread books in my own shelf right here at my home but I choose to read a story about an affair, which has not aged well. (The story not the affair. Or maybe the affair as well, in a way.) At least this has cured me of my desire to keep buying books, I have learnt the hard way about the importance of having a niche even in reading preferences. Fiction, especially such emotional dramas about interpersonal relationships at their focus is not good for people trying to escape reality. Fantasy, magic, monsters- good. Infidelity-bad.
Two large paragraphs ranting about self- because I have only read upto chapter 7 of Part 2 and so far nothing major has happened. In Part 1 we have seen that Vronsky (the horrible horrible guy) has followed Anna (seriously, how dumb are you!) to St. Petersburg and they are moving in common social circles. Meanwhile, Levin and Kitty are left heartbroken. Part 2 starts with Kitty, who is consistently maintaining the position of my favourite character. She is ill from a broken heart. Loss of appetite and sleep and the works, you know. Oh and Tolstoy, ugh! He makes the doctor who comes to examine Kitty as this- I don’t know how to say that. Apparently in those days for a doctor to examine a female patient is a delicate thing to do. Tolstoy ushers in the modern guy, a “not yet old and quite a handsome guy” who regarded that “modesty in a girl only as a relic of barbarism but also an affront to himself.” As a feminist I do agree with the sentiment but I did not want to see Kitty put in that uncomfortable position and embarrassment, adding insult to injury (in a way).
The doctor suggests spending time abroad. He sees right through the symptoms, even though he doesn’t rule out the chance of serious infections. Kitty’s parents are worried. Her father is portrayed as the one who actually “gets” Kitty. We are told that even though he seldom engaged in conversations (I could’ve just said “spoke” but this is A Tolstoy novel so..) with his favourite daughter, she felt that he understood her best, and that “his love for her gave her insight”. He gets that Kitty is heartbroken, and in a way blames her mother. After all, it was her mother who was strongly against the match with Levin and forced Kitty to spend time with Vronsky. Typical character portrayal here, just like in Pride and Prejudice I think (or Bride and Prejudice, Anupam Kher and Nadira Babbar really brought out the Indian parent flavour)- A wise father and a greedy mother. But my sympathy is with the mother though. She is clueless but is aware of her cluelessness and tries her best.
Dolly is also there and I know why. I mean, yes as a character she is there to help her sister, but as a writer’s tool she is there to highlight the contrast between two sisters. She did her job well. So far my most favourite part in the book is the conversation between Kitty and Dolly. We see that Dolly understands Kitty well, and she knows about Levin’s proposal to Kitty and her refusal. I love Kitty at this point- I mean she is heartbroken NOT because Vronsky has gone and fallen in love with another girl. Her anguish is rooted in the humiliation as well as her feelings for Levin. She says:
I have nothing to be distressed or comforted about. I am proud enough never to allow myself to love a man who does not love me.
All girls should have the courage to take this stand. I wish I had, back in my teenage years when I thought I got my own heart broken quite a few number of times or may have broken a heart or two here and there. Ah. Those were NOT the days.
Kitty may have been slightly insensitive in insinuating her pity for Dolly, who has “gone back to a man who has betrayed her, who has fallen in love with another man.” Dolly and Kitty are faced with the same choices, but while Kitty doesn’t have any strings attached to her, Dolly feels trapped in her marriage and in her inability to break free of the man. But in a way, Dolly is the stronger of the two. Kitty has given in to her humiliation, and is seriously endangering her own life while worrying her parents. Dolly is marching on, she knows her children needs her and depends on her and she doesn’t have the luxury of having a heartbreak.
The next part is so horrible I have no interest to write about it. Basically it is about how Anna and Vronsky are dancing around the tree. Anna knows that Kitty is sick and she even asks Vronsky to go see Kitty and apologise to her. But he is drunk on love and is not concerned about Kitty.
Now Vronsky belongs to that group who considers such morals as faithfulness and marriage as weak, banal and even inferior. I for myself do not really believe in good and bad, we all have imaginary lines we do not cross but again, we all have drawn those lines at different points. Good is one side of the line, and everything else on the other side is bad. I do understand that what is wrong for someone else may not be so for me, not because of an error in understanding an absolute, but because of what we are prepared to endure. Even then, For Vronsky, there is no line at all it seems. There is this incident where he mediates for his friend who had followed a young woman to her home and wrote an indecent letter to her. Vronsky finds it a harmless prank and even succeeds in getting his friend free from any consequences. What does that say about him? Selfish, self centered, unsympathetic – indecent indifferent idiot.
Tolstoy has added these seemingly unimportant incidents involving minor characters to throw light on the other characters. Wait, am I getting good at these literary criticism thingy?
Now to Anna. Oh Anna, Anna, Anna. She is in a terrible position. Vronsky has not even tried to be discreet about his feelings, everyone in Anna’s and Vronsky’s common friend circle knows about the budding affair. Anna’s friends notice a marked change in her ever since she came back into the city, and one of them points out that “The main change is that she brought a shadow with her-Alexei Vronsky”. I think it is only a matter of time till Anna’s husband finds out about this. Now, this husband character is not yet developed, I still don’t understand him. I wonder if Tolstoy paints him as a loveless, uncaring cruel typical abusive husband. Even if he is, having an affair right under his nose is an insult not only to him but also to Anna herself. If one is unhappy in a marriage and realizes that he or she is in love with someone else, why drag it out? I know the dynamics of attraction is complex, I really do know that. But in the process so many people get hurt, and they all build the foundations of their happiness on someone else’s pain. Is the drama worth it? I think not. But again, where I draw the line and where someone else does, will be different. My line is drawn at the institution of marriage. For me, to have an affair with a married person, or as a married person, is on the other side of the line. I know- to my own surprise- people who have drawn their lines even further away from mine, and I have met people who have drawn their lines on the other side as well. As I write this, I am aware that perhaps I am being hypocritical, but what to do.
That is it. I think I am about to know more about Anna’s husband in the next chapter. I am not really looking forward to this, it is so uncomfortable and painful! I hate Vronsky, I pity Anna, I am proud of Kitty and even Levin, even if he was a bit annoying with his indecision and diffidence. But I guess since the novel is titled Anna Karenina, it will be her story and I will have to spend more time with her than anyone else. I know how the novel ends, and it causes me a great deal of pain to read through all those incidents that leads upto the final chapter and it is not going to be easy. Oh why did I choose this book?!
Also I do not enjoy writing this at all. If I don’t enjoy writing this, I bet no one is going to enjoy reading it as well. It is a small consolation that no one is actually reading this, nor am I forcing anyone to read it. Being insignificant has it perks.
A Cosmic Void 